We promised to each other we would not buy any gifts for Valentines Day. Well, to be more specific, I had to promise not to buy any gifts.
It would be unfair, because she can't leave the house without me and her condition won't allow her to enter a shop anyway.
Also, no flowers and no chocolate candy this year. She was never interested in flowers and avoiding candy is one of our top spot priorities.
Its not about weight (she should gain some weight to her 43kg), but we are aiming for a healthy and balanced diet with lots of fruits and vegetables.
Besides, we are saving money for our next apartment. We always have to save money. No unnecessary expenses. How suitable for art students.
I brought her breakfast in bed. I guess It wasn't really anything special, I do this every now and then. Nevertheless, she gave me a smile,
which was more than I could ask for. After some time, we managed to get out of bed and started our workout. These are small exercises
but they are important. She tends to get low blood pressure and I have a long record of cardiac diseases in my family. She always reminds me of that.
To complete our daily training, we went outside, to the most popular falafel booth in Frankfurt, which is luckily only a mile away.
Trips to downtown have become a much bigger undertaking ever since we can't use the tram anymore. We are holding hands.
People sometimes look at us. I must agree, our heights do not match well. I'm 1.85 cm and she's barely 1.53. I guess we make an odd looking couple.
Or its just my imagination again, trying to find something strange in my behavior. We silently make our way through the snowy streets.
It's a relief to hear no numbers. 1 to 3 means discomfort. 5 means fear. 10 is a panic attack. It is a code that we agreed on some time ago.
Whispering numbers. She don't want bystanders to notice her anxiety. People are easily disturbed by her rapid breathing and teary eyes.
Yesterday we reached an 8, when I went into a shop to look for a medical bandage to support my arm. I'm glad we can wait out in the open.
Our order takes its time. She seems a little unsettled, but this time its just the cold. Nothing to worry about. I give her a snug hug.
I can't see her face. It makes me worry if she really wanted a hug. I try to reassure myself. I am her boyfriend. There is nothing wrong.
Every day, she tells me numerous times that she loves me. How much she loves me. And that she'd never let me go. But maybe she just scratches
my itch to comfort me. I really need a lot of assurance. I'm always afraid of making her angry or to disappoint her. Do I distrust her?
Thats crazy. My brain is an asshole. I try to shake off those unsettling thoughts. "I love you, little sparrow." She replies with a silent smile.
On our way home, I hear her mumbling and rubbing her ears. They must be freezing. I take off my glove and slip my warm palm under her woolly.
She gives me a teary look. But a good one. I love those moments. They are an honest reminder, that she really wants me to be near to her. I feel save.
I'm a little sad that Valentines Day is such an usual day to us. Maybe every day is Valentines Day? Maybe none is. I'll invite her to sushi this evening.
There is not much more I can do to make this day special right now. I'll think of something awesome for our fifth anniversary this April. I like to think that.