Postby Al Capwned » Wed May 09, 2012 1:05 am

Well, here it is my first Fanfic(that one I was talking about in my first post). I will beg in advance to forgive for all of the grammatical, formatting errors, and anything else that might be wrong with it. I've never really wrote any thing like this before so it will be a real learning experience. Feed back is welcome, and hopefully I'll change for the better.

Now with a table of contents:
Exposition Part 1(same post), Part 2, Part 3
Rising Action Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Exposition Pt. 1

Thump, Thump, Thump!

I roll over in my bed and crack my eye open to wait for the sound again. It seems like an eternity. As my alertness wanes I begin to fall back into my slumber

Thump, Thump, Thump!

I bolt upright in my bed.

“Who the hell beats on doors this early in the fucking morning?”

I glance over at my clock while rubbing last night’s sleep out of my eyes. My Stomach drops at the sight of the blazing red numbers that cut through the perfect darkness that is my room.

“Shit, its nine o’clock!”

I clamor out of my bed, half fighting my sheet constricting my legs, half trying to find the curtains covering my window. Somehow freeing myself from the clutches of my sheets, I stumble into my curtains. I vehemently throw them open. I wish I hadn’t. My eyes were unprepared for the assault of light cast by the midmorning sun.

Thump, Thump, Thump!

“Hold on a Minute!”

Cringing from the rays of the unfiltered sun, I groped blindly for my uniform. Finally finding it on the back of my chair, I hastily threw on my uniform with my eyes still trying to adjust.

Thump, Thump, Thump!

I stumble over to my door looking like I just rolled out of bed, which technically, I just did. I reach for the handle, but hesitate.

Who is this? Why are they here? I don’t know anybody who would do this. Are they going to attack me? But who, why here? There are plenty of better places to jump me. Damn, why are there no peep-holes in these doors? I should get something to protect myself…just in case.
I slowly inch backward toward my desk keeping my eyes on the door. My hand was outstretched behind me hoping to contact my desk soon. The first thing I felt was the numerous pens and pencils that I keep in a cup on the upper right corner of my desk. I knocked it over. I quickly look back to pick up a pen and click it. I feel my heart pounding against my ribcage. I creep back over to my door and grasp the handle tightly.

“Don’t open that door!” But, I have to. “You don’t know who that is!” No, I don’t, but I can’t stay in here forever! “Yes you can!”

“No, I CAN’T!”

I crack open the door just enough for me to see who is on the other side, while only exposing a sliver of my face. A rush of relief washes over me.

“Hey, Trán.” I say while opening the door further and hiding my pen, once poised to go straight into a kidney, in my pocket

I’m glad it’s Trán, at least I don’t have to act so nonchalant.

Baltrán “Trán” Salazar was a little bit off, but who isn’t here. He doesn’t speak much and if he does I’ve never heard him use a complete sentence. But whatever he lacks in verbal skills, he more than makes up for in his math and sciences. He is like a wizard, a Spanish math and science wizard.
Trán looked down at me with his thick curly dark brown hair covering his eyes in his trademarked fashion, and mumbled out what I assumed to be a greeting.

“I’m sorry for missing our session this morning. I must have accidently forgotten set my clock for seven thirty.”

Trán shrugged his shoulders and opened his mouth as if to speak but decided against it. He shifted his towering frame to the left and pointed an inquisitory finger behind me. I followed his finger to the disaster area that is my room. My sheets sprawled across the floor, and writing utensils strewn about my desk.

“Don’t worry about that, I just had some… difficulties this morning.”

I guess my answer satisfied him, because with that he turned on his heel and headed down the hall.

“Trán, where are you going?”

He stopped and looked over his shoulder at me.

“Class.” He said with a mild Spanish accent.

Jeez, I am such an idiot, where else go! Crap I’m late too!

I grab my key off my night stand and snatch my bag off my chair. I break into a light jog to catch up with Trán, who had already reached the dorm commons.
I am about to reach Trán before he leaves the dorms

“Trán, could you hold on a sec?”

He pauses for a moment and looks at his hand, then turns to me.


“Never mind,” I Say already caught up and my breathing to returning to normal “Let’s go.”


“It was a figure of speech.”


Solving Trán’s conundrum, we headed on our way to the first class of the day…calculus. I was not looking forward to it; I’m more of a history kind of guy.
I have to walk at a fairly brisk pace just to match Trán’s giraffe like ambulatory stride. I wish sometimes he would take heed of others, just once in a while. I notice we’re using the same route we used yesterday.

“Yo, Trán! Let’s go by the lawn today to get to class.”


“You know… to mix things up… to keep your mind sharp,” to throw off people who maybe following us, “things of that nature.”


After changing our route, I felt much more relaxed. My nerves calmed as we approached the lawn.
The awn was a good sized well-manicured field, edged with a few birch trees. The Administrative Building, Neo-Baroque I think, lies at the north end of the lawn. We were crossing the walkway in front of the colossal windows of the cafeteria at the south end of the lawn.

“Hmm…Interesting,” I said slowing my pace to get a better view, “are those people on the lawn? What are they doing?”

I stopped, completely confused as to why a group of students would be on the lawn. It was possibly twelve or thirteen sitting down in a semi-circle around two other students. One was using overly exaggerated movements, while the other was aloof and lax. I was too far away to make out any words; however, there was faint intermittent laughter.

About thirty seconds lapse before a woman with long black hair and a short stature exited the administration building, with what looked like a clipboard in hand. The two students stopped whatever they were doing and the rest rose to meet the woman. They crowded around her for a few moments before a few on the edges of the group dispersed, heading toward the junior class rooms. The others stayed around her for a bit longer. Then the group started to move, it went where Trán and I had come form with small groups of two and three breaking into different directions.

Judging that the little “performance” was over I turn to find Trán at least thirty meters down waving me on. I start for Trán and glance over my shoulder out of habit. There was a girl anxiously reading what appeared to be a paper booklet, absent mindedly walking behind me. I snap my head back forward.

“She’s not following me.” I mumble to try to reassure myself.

I steal another quick glance. She appeared to have brown hair, but when caught in the sun it turns a fiery orange along the edges. Her messy bun made it look as if her head was ablaze. She has left side sweeping bangs that hung down covering her eyes as she read. Her skin was a fairer olive, a natural beige that seemed almost gold. She was still keeping pace.

“She’s following you.”

No she isn’t.

“You wanna look back again?”

I quicken my pace. Panic is starting to set in. She’s not following me. She’s just walking in the same direction—

“Go ahead keep telling yourself that, but when she –"


I take a few deep breaths to compose myself, and tried my best to put on a straight face.

“Come on, Beltrán, let’s go.” I told Trán with the slightest edge.

She continued to follow us. I was tempted to break out into a full sprint, or double back and take a different route if we weren’t so close to the Hassenburk Building, where most of the math and science classes are housed.

As soon as Trán and I entered the building I grab his wrist, and hurry over to the nearest recessed door. Then practically fling him through the window next to the door, we waited.

We heard the entrance open, and footsteps on the mat in front of the door, then silence. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. My breathing growing ever faster.

“Hiding because?” Trán says breaking the silence with a deep whisper.

I nearly jump out of my skin. I quickly hush him by putting my finger to my mouth. I can feel the crazed look I must be giving him. I nod my head to the corner of the recess, hoping he would understand. He steps forward as if to look. I raise a hand and shake my head. I point my thumb to my chest to signal that I’ll look. I slowly peeked around the corner. She was just standing there in front of the entrance. She had her head tilted back with her right hand over her eyes, and her left kept pointing from left to right.

Could she be in thought?

She began to bite her bottom lip.

“No, dipshit, she’s playing enie-miny-minee-moe with your life.”

You know what; I’ve had enough of your shit, OK!

“Look who decided to grow a pair, fine, you can deal with her yourself. Oh, and FUCK YOU!”

At least the feeling is mutual.

After that “mental” assault the sound of footsteps reel me back to reality. The girl had chosen the opposite direction, and was now walking away from us. I duck back into the recess and breathe a sigh of relief. It was over.

“Come on Trán, let’s get to class.” I say with a little gaiety in my voice.

Our calculus class is on the third floor, and never before had I been to climb those stairs just to stand in front of the door. I open the door to find Mr. Hariani in full stride of his lesson. He’s an Indian, about my height, and starting to grow a few grays. He stopped and turned toward me , raising an eyebrow. Just as I was about to give an excuse Trán nudges past me entering the class and immediately takes his seat.

“Escorting Mr. Salazar, I see,” he says in his surprisingly English accent. I can only give a sheepish grin to Mr. Hariani’s accusation. “Well… take your seat.”

I make my way to myseat in the back right corner, away from the windows.

Something’s not right, I think while taking out my book and some paper.

I quickly scan the class. Mr. Hariani is resuming his lesson, the other students scribbling notes, Trán in the row in front of me only half paying attention, and an empty chair.

Who’s missing, I ponder carefully, while racking my brain of all the names and faces in the class.

Noticing that the lesson is actually moving particularly fast, I push those thoughts out and start taking notes.

Now well in to the notes, with some assistance from Trán, I get that we’re finding volume by rotating graph around an aixs. Someone was asking Mr. Hariani if there was a difference between using the x-axis and the y-axis, when at that moment the door opened. Mr. Hariani starts clapping. I look up from completing my notes. My stomach dropped like a rock.


I hope it was enjoyable.
Last edited by Al Capwned on Wed Jan 01, 2014 6:15 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: Expostition

Postby scopedknife » Wed May 09, 2012 8:57 am

First off, Al Capwned is one of the best names ever. You should be proud.

My criticisms are mostly to do with grammar. There are a few places where you suddenly change from present to past tense or vice versa. It didn't affect my understanding of the narrative, but it was a little jarring. Try to make a firm decision on tense.
There are also places when I'm not sure whether your MC is talking or whether it's the 'other voice', as it were. Usually you make it clear with speech marks, but consider utilising italics so that it may be more clear in cases where it's not an ongoing exchange (unless that's what you're going for).
There were a couple of parts I thought you could have phrased better, and some minor grammatical slip-ups, but the worst is covered above.

I really liked this chapter. I caught a real sense of urgency in MC's paranoia, and a genuine frustration with his inner/alter monologue. I like him already. Keep up the good work; I look forward to continuation ^^
Last edited by scopedknife on Mon Jun 11, 2012 8:14 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Expostition

Postby Al Capwned » Thu May 10, 2012 3:10 am

scopedknife wrote:There are also places when I'm not sure whether your MC is talking or whether it's the 'other voice', as it were. Usually you make it clear with speech marks, but consider utilising italics so that it may be more clear in clases where it's not an ongoing exchange (unless that's what you're going for).

Trying to convey the inner voice was the hardest part, because I wasn't sure how to put it on paper. I did the quotes, because someone earlier in another fanfic (Masks) mentioned putting quotes to distinguish between the MC and "other" and I thought that was a good idea :oops:. There were also times when I wasn't sure how to convey a certain thought, and might have switched a narrative style on accident (first to third omni), so I kind of approached the thought as the "other" instead of keeping the MC's thoughts as "normal text".

scopedknife wrote:There were a couple of parts I thought you could have phrased better, and some minor grammatical slip-ups

I'l try to work on that. I sometimes get bogged in the details and try to make to many things happen, as they're happening in real time (visualize what is going on while writing), and have them come out clunky. Can you show me some of the grammar stuff, so I can be vigilant and not make the same mistakes.

scopedknife wrote:There are a few places where you suddenly change from present to past tense or vice versa. It didn't affect my understanding of the narrative, but it was a little jarring. Try to make a firm decision on tense.

I can see where some of the tense battle, and I admit looking at some of those now make me feel kinda dumb. And for my decision on tense...I feel like past tense captures all the detail of the moment (which is one of my favs) with out disrupting flow, but I like how present gets the here and now plus better dialogue. UHHG, why it it so hard? I guess I should decide before I write Pt. 2 :? , unless there is a way to blend past and present tense so they don't sound dumb and achieve they qualities I like from both ;) .

Thanks for the criticisms. Hopefully I'll start part 2 soon, since I did leave a little bit of a cliff hanger :) .
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Re: Expostition

Postby Al Capwned » Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:29 pm

Exposition Pt 2.

“HA HA HA HAAAA, Oh, My GAWD, Th-this is too much, HA HA HA HA! You can’t write this stuff, AAAH HAHA, Oh man…you’re screwed!”

I am stunned at sight before me. I can’t believe this. It’s the girl from before… in my class

“Everyone Ms. Vacatello has decided to grace us with her presence this fine day,” Says Mr.Hariani in an overly sarcastic, almost caustic tone, “please stand and give her a round of applause.”

Trán starts to get out of his seat.

“I’m not being serious Mr. Salazar, you may remain seated.”

Trán sinks back into his seat in I guess to be embarrassment.

The girl looks flustered as she slinks over to Mr. Hariani digging in her pocket for something. She pulls out a crumpled piece of paper and hands it to Mr. Hariani. He dismisses her with a wave of the hand as he reads. She walks down the aisle toward the empty seat which is two seats over from mine. I bury my head in my paper just in case she looks over at me. I hear the scraping of the chair against the floor, then the plop of her sitting down.
I look back up from my paper, and steal a quick glance at her before returning my attention back to Mr. Hariani. She already had her head on her hand looking out the window, so I only got to see the back of her head.

Mr. Hariani resumed to answering that student’s earlier question, but I was totally lost. I’ll just ask Trán about it later. Right now I’m more worried about that girl.

“Psst…Psst Trán, hey,” Trán looks back over his shoulder “how long has that girl been in our class?”


“That girl… over there.” I whisper while nodding my head in her direction.


“What!” I almost scream out. I look back over at her. She is still gazing out the window.

“Doesn’t always come to class…if is in class…gets here before.”

I listen in horror to what Trán is telling me. I feel as if I’m going vomit. How…how could I have missed… missed this?

“You weren’t careful enough, you slacked off, that’s what happened. You were sloppy!”

While I’m having a minor panic attack I look over at her one more time. There is no way I could brace myself for what was happening. Her eyes were locked on to mine. They are a brilliant aquamarine. It is so… beautiful. I find myself being drawn into them, there is no escape. The sounds of Mr. Hariani and the class begin to melt, and fade to nothing. It’s like those eyes are the only things that exist. My breathing slows. It feels like I’m drowning, drowning in this girls eyes.

“So, are there any more questions,” Mr. Hariani asks the class quite loudly, breaking me from my trance, and garnering my attention, “you may find your assignment on the board, I do not mind if you work in small groups, just do so quietly.”

Some of the other students start forming groups, while others remain to work solitary. Trán turns his chair around to work together with me. I can feel it, impending doom. Out of the corner of my eye I see that girl get up and start dragging a chair in our direction. A chill runs down my spine. Please I hope she just passes us by.

“Remember, those eyes you saw, those are the eyes of a killer.”

“Do you guys mind if I work with you?” The girl asks nervously in a slight Italian accent.

“No.” I say barely audible.


“Thank you.” She says bringing her chair around, and sitting down quite relieved.

The first thing I notice is that she is gorgeous. I actually, probably, wouldn’t mind to get killed by her.

“You…you are hopeless. Why do I even bother? Sure, you’ll listen to you other head!”

At least the other one isn’t telling me to be afraid of the world.

“Do you guys know how to do this work? I’m kind of a dummy when it comes to stuff like this. And coming in late doesn’t help either.” She says with a nervous laugh.

Well…I wouldn’t say that I’m an expert, but Trán could tell you how to do this in his sle—

“Well…Dumbass, you should probably use some, ‘mouth words’, ’cause I’m sure she here because she’s telepathic. And if that was the case you should just kill yourself now.”

“Luca…Albrecht?” she murmurs while slightly leaning closer to me.

“How do you know my name!?” I hiss, whipping my head around bringing it only a few centimeters from her round face.

“Ummm…it’s on your paper.” Recoiling, pointing her finger down at my paper.

I follow her slender finger down to my paper. And sure enough there is my name, right at the top of my paper. I’m really making an ass of myself.

“You said it, not me.”

You’re making me look like a bigger one.

“You don’t need my help with that.”

I sigh, trying to blank my mind. That usually helps when trying to deal with this fool.

“Are you…okay?” The girl asks with what sounds to be genuine concern.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” I reply exasperated, “sorry, I just have some… things on my mind.”

“Am I bothering you? I can find another group.”

“No, really, I’m alright. Um, what was your question again?”

“It was if you guys know how to do this.”

“Kind of, I’m pretty sure I could do it, but doing it right is… another story.”

“What about him?” she says shifting her attention to Trán. “Do you know this?”

Trán clenches his fists. I can feel Trán’s discomfort irradiating from him. She obviously cannot. I reach into my bag fetching a sheet of paper and slide it carefully across the desk. Trán apprehensively reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a pen. He bends over the paper, and goes to town, scribbling profusely. About fifteen seconds pass and he flips the sheet. The girl is staring in utter disbelief. Trán gives the paper a once-over. He holds the paper out like the girl was going to bite him. She gingerly takes the paper from him and begins to read it. She looks at the front and back a couple of times before leaning over to me and putting her hand up to whisper.

“I can’t read it.” She whispers all too audibly, offering me the paper.

I take the paper, and what she is talking about is very apparent. On the left side are equations and simplified examples of what was going on in class; they look as like if they were printed directly from a computer. The same cannot be said for the right side. There is what I assume to be explanation for the things going on the left side; it looks like they were written by a twelve year old. I peer over the top of the paper at Trán to see him looking very dejected. I could not help taking pity on him.

“I’ll ‘translate’ it.” I’ve already put Trán through enough today. He deserves to take a break.

It takes some effort, but I manage to decipher one explanation at a time. I turn to the girl to find her head craned back around to look out the window again.

“I’ve finished.” I say quite proud of myself.

“So, what does it say?” She asks returning to reality, tearing herself from the window.

I look back down at the paper, giving a rough summary of how all that we really needed to do was integrate the equation of the graph, like normal, and multiply the result by pi. I look up to show her an example Trán written down, and she’s just playing with her bang.

“…What are you doing?”

“OhmygoshI’msosorry,” She jumps at my question, “sometimes I have a little bit of trouble paying attention.”

“Is that why—“

“No, no, that’s—“

“Sorry, forget I said anything.”

All three of us sit in an awkward silence, well… more awkward than it already was which I thought was impossible. Becoming unbearable, I break the silence by repeating the explanation. As soon as I finish the bell rings.

“What you did not finish, I want for homework.” Mr. Hariani calls out over the commotion of the class packing up their things and leaving.

“Hey… I just realized, but what is your name?”

“All this time, and you didn’t know. You cease to amaze me.”

“Oh,” she says packing her things away, “sorry for not introducing myself earlier. I’m Fia, Fia Vacatello.”

“I’m Luca,” a little too eagerly, “… but you already knew that.”

She giggles at my attempt to cover up my embarrassment of stating an already known fact.

“Well, Luca, why don’t we meet up at lunch and finish this then?” she asks in, what I find, a somewhat alluring way.

“Sure, I guess.”

“Why are you agreeing? She’s planning something. I can hear it in her voice.”

“See you then, okay?” She heads for the door, and is gone.

“I’m sure you next teacher won’t be as forgiving as I was, Mr. Albrecht,” Mr. Hariani calls out, “you should probably get going.”

The class is pretty much empty except for Mr. Hariani and me. Trán had already left for physics. I quickly gather my things and leave that torture room. Finally, free at last. At least now I can go to the class where I’m in my element, history, even if it’s only an hour or so. It’s long enough for me to settle my nerves. I have another laidback class after my hiatus in history. Then afterwards I get to have lunch with a pretty girl. I can feel my insides trembling with excitement.

“Don’t tell me you’re actually going.”

Why not?

“DUH, haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been saying?”

Oh, come on! If I always listened to you I would have teachers slip assignments under the door, my closet would be filled with one liter bottles of urine, and my skin would be practically translucent.

“What’s wrong with that?”

And, what about Trán you were mistaken about him.

“Ah, but you listened.”

Don’t you ever think that sometimes I want to do things my way?

Well, if all it takes is just some ass and a pair of tits—“

She’s not ‘just some ass and a pair of tits’!

“Oh really, then what is she to you?”

I…don’t know.


…Today’s going to be an interesting day to say the least.
Sorry for taking so long I had been sitting on this for about two weeks after finishing this piece trying to figure out what to cut or leave in. I have made an attempt at addressing some of the issues that plauged the previous part, so it shouldn't be as hard to read. As always comments and critique is welcome. Hopefully I'll finish up this chapter before I get back into school. :lol:
Last edited by Al Capwned on Wed Jul 18, 2012 8:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Comedies&Tragedies

Postby Al Capwned » Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:37 pm

Did a title change one) it was spelled wrong :oops: two) to give the title a more encompassing name.
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Re: Comedies&Tragedies

Postby Al Capwned » Wed Jul 18, 2012 8:26 pm

Exposition Pt 3.

My head is still swirling with emotions from that confrontation earlier today. I can’t help but think why I would get so upset over somebody like that. My gut lets out a roar of protest; I am reminded of a much more pressing matter at hand. Lunch today is a hardy rindsuppe with a topfenstrudel. Some food should settle my nerves. I arrive at the cafeteria, to find it slowly filling for lunch. I get in line so I can secure my table before those giblet faced underclassmen take it.

I end up spending about five minutes waiting, which is unusually slow for the amount of people in line. I shove the thought out of my head knowing it will be fuel for the fire at a later time and place. I attain my food, and meander over to the northwest corner of the cafeteria, where my table sits unmolested by those underclassmen. Even though my table is close to the immense window, its positioning provides the best vantage point in the building for keeping an eye on others.

I take the seat closest to the wall at my table, and spy Fia in the lunch line. I guess her class must be farther away. I wave my hand fervently to attract her attention, but instead I garner the attention of a few nurses who are starting to assume the “pacify” formation. My frantic waving finally draws Fia’s attention. She returns a little wave. I motion toward the table, hoping the nurses would not tackle me to the floor in the process. She gives me a nod, and a thumbs up. One of the nurses notices Fia’s gestures, and figures out what I was trying to do. I quickly sit back down to cast suspicion. Only one of the nurses approaches me to check if I truly was all right. The rest backed off once I stopped showing signs of having a complete breakdown.
It takes around another seven or eight minutes before Fia gets her lunch and makes her way over to the table. I have nearly finished my rindsuppe and taken a bite or two of my topfenstrudel. Fia arrives to the table, and sits down with a huff. She sweeps some loose hair back into the flow of her bang.

“Shall we get started?” She snaps.

“Something wrong?” I ask a little taken aback from this new side of her.

“No.” She says sharply.


“Are you sure?”

“Can’t you just fucking drop it!?” She says hotly while looking away and shielding her eyes from me.

“That’s it! Gimme that spoon I’m about to teach this skanky whore a lesson!”

I sit totally thrown about what is happening. Maybe she needs space.

“She NEEDS a kick to the throat!”

I quickly choke down my topfenstrudel, and gather my dishes to return them. I start to get out of my chair.

“Please…don’t…don’t go.” Fia catches me by surprise with her wavering voice.

“I was just going to the…” I begin to point to the dish return. She inhales sharply followed by a slow exhale. She appears to be slightly trembling. “Alright.”

I place my dishes back on the table tenderly as to avoid any more sudden outbursts from both parties and retake my seat. Fia takes a minute to compose herself, her cheeks were still flushed and her mesmerizing eyes were damp from subduing tears.

“I’m sorry… you had to hear that…”she apologizes while wiping her eyes.

“Yeah, that’s right; you don’t want to fuck with me!”


“But, she—“

No! This is not the time.

“It’s oka—“

“It’s not Okay!” she cuts me off. “I shouldn’t have said that,…I…I”

“Look, if you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to.”

“I can be… a little bi-polar,” I am not shocked at Fia’s confession, but I suspected something as much. She shrinks under my unfazed expression. “Actually… a lot… sometimes.”


“That’s it? Okay? Nothing else?”

“Yeah, what the hell?”


“I just poured myself out there, and all you have to say is that?”

“More, or less.”

“What the hell!?”

“I didn’t tell you to say those things, I wanted to avoid the subject, but you told me anyway. Besides I rather be bi-polar than a paranoid schizophrenic.”

“Did you just…” Did I just…

“You’re a…”

“Say No! Say No! SayNo! SayNO!”

“Meehh…” I grunt dodging a direct answer, even though doing this piques Fia’s interest even more.

“So, you won’t attack me if the other comes out right?” I can’t tell if she is serious or not.

“Oh, I will, don’t you worry your pretty little head.”

“That’s not schizophrenia, but no.”

“So you are…”

“I never said I was.” I start rubbing my thumb on my forefinger. I am walking a dangerously thin line having this conversation.

“But, you didn’t have to.” Fia mocks, using my own words against me.

She was just about to continue when Trán crosses my line of vision behind Fia’s head.

“Look, Trán is here we should probably start that calculus from this morning.”

Fia instantly turns around to see. I’m astonished she didn’t break her neck in the process.

“What about him?” Fia asks with her voice trailing off.

“What about who?”

“Your friend, Trán, what about him?” She asks again turning back around, a lot less abruptly than before.

“What about him?” I coax without the foggiest idea of where this is going.

“You know.” Fia taps on her temple a few times to avoid saying anything out loud.

“Pssh, I don’t know. I’m not his keeper.” I snort, shrugging in response.

“What do you mean, you don’t know,”Fia gives me an incredulous look, “you two seemed a lot closer than that to me.”

“Looks like you were wrong, Cranktankerous whore.”

“Look,” now wanting to passionately drop the subject, “If Trán wants to tell you, he’ll tell you, and he hasn’t told me so…that’s that.”

“That’s right he hasn’t told me…”

Trán walks over to the table just as I kill the conversation. He stands in front of a seat, just looking at us, but I can’t tell.

“Damn it Trán, why do your eyes have to be hidden!”

I swear the corner of his mouth twitches before he pulls out the chair to sit down.

What are you thinking Trán?

“Why the fuck is his mouth Goddamned twitching!?!”

Food, maybe?

“Bull shit, he’s scheming!”

Hey, chill out, this is Trán we’re talking about.

“I swear if he pulls some shit like that again…”

He hasn’t done anything.

“FINE! I’ll let it slide this time, but be vigilant, shit’s gonna get ugly.”

Yeah, like the time with the goat.

“Don’t back sass me!”

Trán passes his topfenstrudel to me while he gulps down his rindsuppe. I guess it’s a texture thing, since I have never seen him eat one. I start to work on the strudel while pulling out my calculus book and plopping it on the table.

“I almost forgot, how about we work on that calculus, yeah?” I suggest , wiping the crumbs along with the heavy atmosphere off my face.

It took a lot longer to put this part out that I first expected. I don't feel so confident about the dialog, I had changed it a couple of times because it didn't feel "real" enough, and I still don't. So please feel free to grill me about that, or any other things I may have dropped the ball on, so that I can make it not so rough.
Things may slow down alot, because I will be entering college soon, but I will try to continue on a less regular intervals, or maybe start a new shorter project *cough cough*.
my only real contribution to this forum,Comedies&Tragedies, you should read it sometime(maybe).
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Re: Comedies&Tragedies

Postby scopedknife » Tue Aug 07, 2012 11:31 am

I really liked this chapter. I'm finding the opposing personalities to be better defined, and it makes for some very interesting exchange. Good job giving a frantic, tense air to a conversation scene in a cafeteria too. It seemed like Luca could flip at any moment, and it makes for pretty good reading ;)
<alabaster> I don't like it that big.

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Re: Comedies&Tragedies

Postby Al Capwned » Thu Aug 30, 2012 8:14 pm

Guess whose back?(you don't really have to answer that) Here is the intro of sorts to the chapter of Comedies&Tragedies.

Rising Action Pt.1

AAARRRRRGGGH! This is so ANOYING! Am I the only one around here who has any sense!?! Come on man, use your head! Use me dammit!

It has been four long weeks, four weary long weeks. That girl…why does she still hang around this stick in the mud? And her spazy personality/emotions/whatever the fuck is wrong with her…just get away from me with all of that. I don’t need it! It’s garbage! There has got to be some ulterior motive. Why else would she be hanging all over him like she’s his dick or something, it’s gross! I wish she would jump of a bridge; it would save me the trouble of pushing her.

She isn’t the only one firing on all levels of ‘tard. Trán, that rat bastard acting more of a freak than he usually does. I never did trust him; I bet if we didn’t lock our doors that muthafucker would kill us all in our sleep. I use to think that maybe he was capable, but now he has gone full bat shit thanks to that bitch.


I…I know why this is happening. I was too soft, too complacent, I became weak. I should have rule with an iron fist from the beginning…yes, YES, because then I could protect. If I could have turned away him away from Trán, If had repelled Fia. We would be safe. None of this would be happening…but, I didn’t, I couldn’t, I can’t even now. It’s all my fault…DAMMIT, IT’S MY FAULT. This is so ridiculous they are all getting me to blame myself, it’s bullshit, I’m being treated like the asshole who’s trying to break up their delusions of happiness. I know what’s going on, I see it all, none of you can hide shit from me!

But, he won’t listen. Everything I see, everything I tell him, and he just ignores it. How the fuck, does he do it? Never before has he resisted so much, I don’t understand. Before I’ve gotten him to do things now that are second nature, what’s different now? It can’t be his meds, the reactions are totally different…Whatever it is, I got to find out quick so I can take appropriate countermeasures and this shit won’t get out of hand.

Yeah, the next chance I get I’ll rip him a new one. That’s right, because there will be hell to pay if I don’t.



Yes, it's short, very short. Some time was unexpectantly was given to me today, so I tried to take advantage of that before school eats me whole again. As always comments and critiques are welcome (even about how short it was).
my only real contribution to this forum,Comedies&Tragedies, you should read it sometime(maybe).
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Re: Comedies&Tragedies

Postby Al Capwned » Wed Dec 05, 2012 2:56 am

Hello Everybody! It's been a while since the last post, but this is still alive. With out further adue.

Rising Action pt. 2

It’s getting colder. The trees around campus are starting to show it too. Their leaves are starting to grow orange and gold. Even the grass is starting to lose its green. It seems the birth of fall is upon us. I can’t believe it has been five weeks since I first met Fia. How did I get so comfortable around her so quickly? I was on edge around Beltrán for at least five months, I…don’t understand.

While lost in lost in my labrynth of thoughts I begin to absent mindedly stare a Fia. Before long my walls of thought start to crumble and blow away in to the dark corners of my mind. There is only Fia, here, sitting with me in the courtyard next to the arts building. She’s picking at splinters on the old rugged wood bench we are sitting on. A gust of brisk autumn air tussles her hair. The feeble autumn sun catches just right, so that it rivals the reds and oranges of the leaves. She recoils form the chill, pulling her hands further into the sleeves of the blazer. Fia catches me staring while she is brushing her hair out of her face. I quickly avert my eyes, trying to find something so I may cast suspicion. My eyes came to rest on Beltrán, who is sitting on the ground a couple of meters away picking at the yellowing grass.

Why is he picking at the grass?

Fia takes a breath as if to speak, but only silence follows.

What is so interesting about grass? Dying grass at that. Who does that?

“He does, obviously.”

Thanks for that.

“So, what do you say?” Fia asks, very eager for an answer.

“Uh, what?” I am to perplexed “Sorry, I wasn’t listening, what did you say?”

Fia sticks her tongue out at me and turns away with a huff.

“Never mind then.”

“C’mon don’t be like that… I was spacing out, can’t a guy day dream?”

She puts her hand on her chin and let out an exaggerated sigh.

“Well… I guess I can forgive you, but now you have to come with me.”

“Do I even have to tell you?”


“Why, why do you keep doing this to yourself?”

“The drama club is going to go see a play in two weeks.”

“We have a drama club?”

“Yes, we have a drama club!”

How did I not know we had a drama club? This school is not that big, certainly I would have known about something like a drama club.

“You have money, right?” She asks bluntly.


“Tickets.” She says with the utmost innocence in her voice.

“We have to pay!?!” That much was obvious, but one would think that school sponsored events would be included in the tuition.

“The Drama club has to pay too, just not as much.” She says in a matter of fact kind of way.

“Well, how much are the tickets?” I ask, rubbing my brow disappointed in myself for even considering attending.

“Forty euros.”

“Good Lord woman! Do you think I’m made of money?”

“Well, if you join the drama club it’s only fifteen…” She replies with same innocence as before.

What a hidden agenda.

“But I’m not really into that kind of stuff.” I reply trying now to dodge the topic by turning my head away from her.

“You’re damn right you’re not!”

I hear her shuffling behind me. A delicate warmth then envelopes my hand, slowly I look back to find Fia leaning in close to me with both of her hands on top of my own.

“Awww, but it’ll be fun.” She says giving me a puppy dog look with her hypnotic aquamarine eyes.

My mind is racing as fast as my heart. What to say, what to do. I can’t think. Where is all of this pressure coming from? I cannot look away, it’s like I am paralyzed locked in this moment forever. Is it uncertainty, fear, or both? I have to break eye contact, but it feels like I can’t even blink. What is happening to me?

“I’ll…think about it…” A look of disappointment slowly creeps along Fia’s face. “It’s not like I said no or anything…” trying now to not sound like a jerk.

“Great, here comes the guilt trip.”

Fia slowly turns away dejectedly.

“Alright then, when does the drama club meet?” I ask in defeat.

“The next meeting is tomorrow at 16!” She replies playfully, looking back at me with a big cheesy grin. At that moment I realized I had indeed been guilt tripped.

With my head hung low I let out an intentionally large sigh to broadcast my disappointment in her tactics, but she is too busy stifling her own excitement.

Why would she be so excited about me coming to drama? Could she… Nah.

“Yeah, she would have to be a real nutcase to, Oh wait.”

Thanks for the confidence boost.

“No problem dumb-ass.”

In a quick scan of the small courtyard I catch Beltrán staring very hard at Fia and me. We hold contact for a full five seconds before he breaks it turning back to picking at dying grass. Fia is clueless about the events conspiring around her.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! I’ll fight you Trán, if you keep at this! You think you can come over here and steal—

“I think, he thinks he can.”

What the hell am I thinking? Why am I so angry? This has something to do with you doesn't it? … No answer, huh? Figures.

I stretch my legs, and stand up then reach up stretching my arms to full extension.

“Where are you going?” Fia inquires.

“Back to the dorm,” I manage to say through a yawn, “To take a nap, then work on a paper for my history class that’s due tomorrow.”

“That’s sounds fun.” Fia replies with a sprinkling of sarcasm.

“You have no Idea!” I come back dripping with sarcasm.

I begin to slowly shamble back to the boy’s dorm. I reach the edge of the courtyard before turning around.

“Tomorrow at 16, right?”

Fia gives a little smile and a nod before fixing her bang.

I apologize for taking so long for this part, and while I'm at it its mediocre quality. I got smacked with some heavy duty work at school so I haven't been able to work on it as much as the others. Finals are next week and I had to get this out, because thinking about fanfic during a calculus final does not bode well for the final. So feel free to rip me a new one, cause I kind of deserve it. But be gentle okay ;}
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Re: Comedies&Tragedies

Postby Tom Lyon » Sun Dec 30, 2012 6:19 am

I'm guessing the other will be an excellent actor, but he won't, and he'll love Fia, but the other won't, creating the most dramatic romcom of 2012/2013!
Some other people had signatures, so I figured it was the cool thing to do.
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Re: Comedies&Tragedies

Postby Al Capwned » Thu May 09, 2013 9:33 pm

Tom Lyon wrote:I'm guessing the other will be an excellent actor, but he won't, and he'll love Fia, but the other won't, creating the most dramatic romcom of 2012/2013!

Oh, dear I hope It's not that predictable :oops:
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Re: Comedies&Tragedies

Postby Al Capwned » Thu May 09, 2013 10:02 pm

Rising Action pt.3

Time always seems to creep slower than the continents themselves whenever waiting for anything. It could be for a red light to change to green, a person with fifty items at a grocery market to finish checking out, or thirty seconds to go by. They all take the same amount of time regardless. But, there is that little cheap trick that time likes to pull, taking eight minutes to get through eight hours only to make you wait eight hours for eight minutes.

I just fell for that trick. I glance down at my cell phone; the same white numbers cast their glow from its LCD screen. 15:52, my face tingles with a silent rage as I fight the urge to put all my strength into one throw, and chuck my phone as far as humanly possible. But, it is not the phone’s fault, it is merely the messenger. Besides I would not be as nearly pissed off now if I had noticed something a lot earlier today, perhaps in the first two “minutes” of the day when it would have been slightly more relevant. I return my seething gaze to my phone, 15:53, finally something more interesting than plate tectonics in real-time.

Disgusted with time’s slow crawl, I stuff my phone into my pants pocket. The all too familiar feeling of being watched begins to gnaw at me like the frigid early winter winds. It doesn’t help that I’m sitting outside on the boy’s dorm steps brooding and looking sketchy. I would probably keep my eye someone if they were looking how I am right now too.

I brush my pants off as get up to stretch my legs. As I rub my hands together to conjure up some warmth, something catches my eye in the bushes next to the library across the small quad. I try to ignore it, but my curiosity gets the better of me. I better not make a big deal about it. As much as it pains me to do so, I turn my back to the anomaly. Remembering that my phone’s screen is rather reflective, I remove it from my pocket and hold it slightly off to the side so I can get a clear view with minimal adjustment. To any passerby it would only appear that I was nonchalantly checking my phone, it is pure genius. I focus my screen, and what appears to be a person is hiding behind the bushes along the side of the library.


The furnace was lit, and the fuel was pure unadulterated rage. In one fluid motion I spun on my foot and sprung in to an all-out sprint. The bushes wildly thrash about away from me after I begin my charge. There was he could do, jumping out of the bushes would cause me to have a meltdown that would rival Chernobyl, and staying in the bushes would seal his terrible fate. He rounds the rear of the library, breaking branches trying to stay in cover of the bushes that line the library. I see his mud splattered shoe and pant cuff. This only gives me gives me more fuel.

You will not escape from me!

He is pulling away from me now, but I cannot give up. I will not give up. He turns the corner to the opposite side of the library. My mind starts to blank out with fury and the thought of him getting away. I push through all of my body’s limits, focusing all of my energies into action stemming from one thought. I power through the corner to the sight of Fia.

Seeing her broke my focus, my one goal, resulting in a loss of all balance and coordination in an attempt to dodge. My foot slipped out from under me, and I swear I went airborne for a full five seconds before landing on my side with a resounding thud that could have shook the foundation of the library itself.

“OH MY GOD! Are you alright?” Fia rushes to my side dropping an arm full of books. I roll over on to my back letting out a groan accompanied with a billowing cloud of spent anger, frustration, and paranoia.

“I think I’m okay…” I continue to stay on my back to recover from the unanticipated strain that whole ordeal has caused.

“Are you sure,” her voice starts to waver “you really scared me you know.” She sniffs as she fails to hold back a tear.

Look at those fake fucking tears—

“I may have broken a rib, but other than that I’m sure.” I heave myself into a sitting position, soothing my sides. Fia instantly scrunches her face and begins to pout.

“That’s not funny!” She laments, gingerly punching me in the shoulder.

“She just physically assaulted you! This is a dangerous situation!”

I huff out a laugh as she helps me hoist myself onto my feet.

“So what are all of those books for?” Fia pauses for moment with a confused look on her face. How could she have forgotten already? “Books…” I repeat nodding to the books haphazardly strewn about the dying grass and the pathway.

“They’re play scripts from the library. I was bringing them to the Drama club meeting,” she walks over to the nearest one and picks it up to inspect it. “I hope they aren’t damaged.” She continues with a hint of worry as she brushes of the cover.

You dolt, now she’s going to have to pay for your mistakes.

I can’t help but feel that this turn of events it my fault. Fia picks up another, flicking of bits of dirt from the corners. I should help her. I kneel down and start gathering up the scripts on the pathway, occasionally reading a title or two. King Lear, Hamlet, and Romeo and Juliet are the only ones I recognize. Reaching out absentmindedly for the last script I am greeted with a soft warmth, rather than the hard cold cover I was expecting. I glance down to my hand lying on Fia’s.

“S-sorry…” I manage to sputter out while snatching my hand away as if I had been burned. Fia’s face blossoms into a light pink.

“Smooth, like a fucking university first year writing a shitty romance… you two make me sick.”

Fia adds the final script to the small stack already in her arms. The air grows thin between us as we rise to our feet.

“So…where are we taking these? I forgot to ask you where…the thing was. Kinda dumb, huh?” Wow, that was pretty awkward.

“No shit?”

“Don’t worry about it, I remembered that I didn’t tell you either, it’s my fault…” Her voice trembles ever so slightly, hinting she might be trying suppressing something. Is it joy? Fear? What is it? “Just follow me.”

Following Fia three steps behind, we pass the gymnasium and the arts building which cast stray shadows to make them look a lot more sinister under the transition from the late afternoon to dusk. We hadn’t spoken a word. To keep my mind from wandering and getting lost in the wastes following the songs of the dunes, I focus on beat of our steps and the sway of my shadow. The metronomic motion and sound of walking required enough brain activity to not totally zone out, but was still oddly hypnotizing. A distant hum of indistinguishable nature began to prick at the back of my neck. It only grew louder the more I tried to ignore it. I glance back toward the ground to see my shadow turn its head as if to identify the sound.

“Hmm, what did you say?”

“Uh, what…” Snapping all of my attention to Fia.

“It sounded like you were whispering something.”

“Umm, nope.” I manage to slip out, while shooting glance to my now seemingly normal shadow.

Interesting the hum is gone.

Hello again. This one took a long time (even for a short, cruddy chapter? Jeez!). Why? 60% school, 28% procastination, and 2% developing story. Transitions are hell!Coming up with the content is easy, but getting there. It may not be as enthralling as Gloom's or TonyTwoFingers works, but thanks for stinking with me (or at least trying). I'll try not to disappoint. Unfortunately, the summer maybe as sparse as the fall and spring I will be away from a computer for an extended period of time,starting the last week of May. As always I am open to comments and critiques (even if you're just saying how much of a terrible writer I am).
Last edited by Al Capwned on Fri Apr 18, 2014 3:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Comedies&Tragedies

Postby Al Capwned » Wed Jan 01, 2014 6:13 am

Rising Action pt.4

“Well…we’re here.” Fia sighs in relief shrugging to a pair of double glass doors.

“I’ll go look for someone to open the door, okay.” Fia says scanning the atrium of the assembly hall which connects to the west wing of the administration building by an open air breeze way.

“Let me hold your scripts.” Fia jumps a little at my request. Was it that strange? Did I sound to demanding? She partially turns with her mouth slightly parted. “Your scripts…please, let me hold them for you.” I shift the scripts in my right arm to my left.

“Thank you…” As Fia carefully slide her scripts into my arm she hides a smile. For once her words echo in my ears. Her smile makes my heart race a little faster.

She takes a few steps backward, turns on her heel, dashes toward the breezeway, rounds the corner and is gone. A sudden gust causes the dead fallen leaves to dance across entrance and around my feet. The shadows creep ever closer as the sun dips beneath the school’s walls. My breath forms thin clouds as the temperature chills with the setting sun.

“She’s not coming back. She left you out here to freeze.”

No, she didn’t. She wouldn’t do that.

“Yeah, that’s right! She feels for him.”

“Pshhh, that’s the biggest load of horse shit if I ever heard some!”

“Hey…Fuck you!”

“Yeah, fuck you.”

“… Who the fuck is that?”

“Quit trying to change the subject because you’re losing.”

“No, who the actual fuck is that?”

During the argument I had completely turned around to face the rest of campus. At that moment the air grew thick and barely breathable. The spot between my shoulder blades heat up as the rest of the world fades into a grayish blue twilight. Keeping my feet planted, I twist my body around. What is left of the world swirls around me in streaks of gray. There right behind me stands a single girl. A single beam of light cascading from the heavens is cutting her from the bleak featureless background.

Her hair is an intense dark brown, almost black. A single yellow hair clip keeps her short hair out of her pale face. Saying she stood there like a statue would be inaccurate, it looked more like she stood bristling with fear…or anticipation I can’t tell. Either way a potato chip was frozen just at the edge of her lower lip. Oddly enough she wasn't staring me in the eye like most people would when they see an eighteen year old animatedly talking to himself. It seems as her steely blue eyes where scanning my person with explicit interest in what was in my arms. Her eyes unexpectedly dart up to meet mine. Time almost come to a complete stop. She breaks contact before I can. The single chip hanging at her mouth disappears, three more meet the same fate.

“Who the fuck does this bitch think she is? Cutting away like that then stuffing her face. I know, she’s just eating so she won’t tell you how she plans to off you!”

As she takes a step forward, reality races back into existence. I take a half step back from the speed of existence and her sudden advance.

“Hold your ground! If you look like you can put up a fight that can be a deterrent.” She pauses for a second.

I think she noticed the recoil.

With an awkward tilt she leans into the door. It doesn’t budge. Her pale face blossoms into a bright pink as she repositions her small frame for another push. Managing to open the door on her second attempt, the small girl shivers with embarrassment at her own inability. I enter quickly as to spare this girl any further humiliation.

I look to he left then to the right. I have have no idea where I’m supposed to be going.

“Way to go…”

Maybe if I ask her she’ll know.

“That’s a terrible idea!”

And why is that?

“She’ll lead you to some secluded area, then, kill you and rape your corpse.”

“You sick fuck, you would say something like that.”

You say that like I would be over powered by a girl who barely comes up to my shoulder. Besides how would she even kill me?

“She could smother you with that chip bag. Or you never know, she may be hiding staples, scissors, pencils, and other assorted school supplies to-“

Thank you for that bode of confidence.

“Oh look, she’ leaving.”

I better follow her to see where she goes…

The girl is surprisingly quick despite being so short. I’m having a hard time keeping pace with her, even at a safe four steps behind. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she trying to lose me.

“She is you tard, your tailing sucks ass.”

I’m not tailing her. And, how would you know my tailing sucks? I’ve never tailed anyone before.

“That’s exactly why it sucks.”

A gust of familiar cold evening air splashes my body bringing me out of my own head.

“Oh, than you Annez! I don’t know what I would have done without you!” Fia lunges a pair of double doors that this Annez girl had just opened and begins to smothers her in an all engulfing hug. Annez’s reply is muffled by Fia’s breast. “We should get going so we aren’t super late!”

Fia releases Annez to start a weird hop-skip-jog in the direction Annez and I had been walking. Annez take a few deep breaths before straightening out her uniform.

“So… your name is Annez?”

“It’s Anezka Zavesky.” She says at just above a whisper while rolling down her bag of potato chips. She pulls out a large black paperclip like the ones you would see in a law offices and clips it onto the mostly empty bag.

“Hey! Come on Luca this way!” Fia yells down the hall before disappearing around a corner to the interior of the building.

“You’d better not keep her waiting.” Anezka says in the same just audible tone, sticking her chips in her blazer pocket and continuing toward where Fia had just disappeared to.

“Just what am I getting myself into?”

“Deep shit.”

“Quiet you!”
I follow Anezka to a rather inconspicuous normal looking door. She opens it and waits for me to enter. Upon the first step through I was bombarded with a noxious array of sights and smells. Incandescent light bulbs that could rival direct sunlight, the strong scent of make-up covering up a light must, and people’s possessions scattered haphazardly around. Anezka follows me in unperturbed by the scene as if this was just an empty room. She step around and over the scrawl to another door at the opposite end of the room. She gives a slight wave, beckoning me over. I carefully step over the clutter unsure if anything was important or useless. Anezka opens the second door.

On the other side was a maze of props, partially completed backgrounds, and deep red stage curtains. Muffled voices seemed to emanate from everywhere. I know they had to student’s, because that one is crystal clear. Anezka takes point and pushes through the curtain with me in toe. The voices grew clearer passing through each curtain, and light begins to shine form underneath. Anezka throws aside the last curtain and I am blinded by an intense bright light. After a moment my eyes adjust to the sight before me.

Fifteen or so students are sitting around waiting. A few are sitting in groups chatting while others appear to be doing homework or staring off into space.

“There you are!” I can feel at least eleven pairs of eyes crawling all over me. Fia why do you draw all attention to yourself? “You can put those down anywhere, Then come sit with us.”

A Piano sits just beyond the group Fia is sitting with. The sound of my foot steps are amplified by the stage as I cross. The deafening booming echoing in my ears intensifies despite my efforts to lighten my steps. Placing my armful of scripts on the piano’s bench the booming subsides, but it still ring in my ears.

Seeing Fia happily chatting with a group, of what I assume to be her friends, I make my way to some nearby steps leading to the theater’s seating. An aisle seat about five rows back yearns to be my observation partner to view the proceedings the drama club Fia so desperately wants me to join. Fia sees me take the audience seat. She tries to wave me over, but to avoid the attention of the others I allow myself to be swallowed by my seat. Fia gets up and hops off the stage with all intention to bring me on to that stage. I could feel it in the way she walked up the aisle. When she got to my row I griped the arm rest to firmly plant myself into the seat.

“Come on!” She firmly grabs my arm with both hands and begins to pull.


“Please?” she gives another tug, begging this time.

“I like it here, thank you.” Disappointed with my answer a small frown crosses Fia’s face.

“Besides, it’ll be awkward with me around.”

“Then how will you learn to not be awkward without interact with other people?” Fia instantly retorts.

I didn’t have a good answer. I knew I didn’t want to ‘socialize’ with them.

“Just…just let me see how you guys run, at least for today.”

“…Okay, next time you’ll sit with me. You can bet on that.” Fia sighs, probably realizing the futility of trying to get me to budge.

A tingle runs down my spine. A threat, a promise, something else?

A short woman carrying a green clipboard and a red coat in the crook of her arm emerged from behind the wall of red. She was wearing a white blouse with a pink floral pattern on the cuffs of her sleeves, a plain black skirt with went half way down her shin, and a pair of red boots. She was intently looking over whatever what was on her clipboard. The students doing homework packed away their things while the groups broke up diverting their full attention on this woman

“All right let’s get started, but first who isn’t here?” Her words were crisp and clear. They sliced though all the background noise in the theater.

“Sacha and Dejan aren’t coming today. They said something about a class project.” A pasty blonde boy blurted out.

“I hadn’t seen Olga all day.” A rounder girl perked up.

With responding the woman pulls out a purple pen from god knows where and scribble on her clipboard.

“Fia, were you able to get all the materials I asked for?” I find her voice slightly unnerving the way it cuts through the air.

“Yup! They’re right over here.” Fia skips over the the piano, and pats the scripts we had brought in earlier.

The short woman walks quickly across the stage, the short heels on her boots clacking with each step she took. A long black braid danced behind her. She lays her coat over the piano and fingers through the stack, pausing for a moment, before turning to the students.

“They are all here, so have at it.” She stepped back form the stacks of scripts. “We’ll decide as discussed last meeting. A few over eager students, Fia being one of them, shot over immediately. Others partially wandered toward the stack or clumped around people who already had a script.

Fia seem to be enjoying herself, which is nice. It puts me at ease, except for that pasty kid in the group of girls with Fia. Something about him just doesn’t sit right.

“Well… you know what we could do.”

We could do some crazy stuff.

“The consequences, you impulsive dickheads.”

“Fuck you and your consequences!”

Your right, I don’t what trouble. Why would I even consider?



“Pussy, Pussy, Pussy!”

No, even If I don’t like him we leave him be.

”Let me know when you mangina closes and your ball fall out of your small intestine, m’kay?”

I don’t believe I’ve seen you around before.” The words sever all of my thoughts.

“Ahh, umm, gahh…”

“An eloquent speaker I see.” The words come from behind me. Turning around I’m face to face with woman in the next row. “I am Dr. Kaczka, nice to meet you.”

“…yeah.” I blank out as I frantically rack my brain to form even the simplest of greetings.

“Your name is typically a good place to start.” I feel as if I struck a nerve even though her words were full of neutrality.

“Sorry, I’m Luca…” all I want to do right now is disappear.

“So, you’re the one Fia was telling me about?” Fia, you approach everything with zeal don’t you? I nod.

“I see… so what would you like to do? We could always use some more male actors.”

“Oh, I’m not good with lots of people.” I would probably actually die If I went on stage.

“Quite the club you’ve picked then.” She chuckle to herself. “Alf, do you need any more back stage?”

A rather large and heavily freckled boy sitting on the edge of the edge of the stage looked up and called back.

“Naw, I thik we gos enough.” His voice was shaky and heavily slurred.

Dr. Kaczka taps her chin for a moment “Yes, you can help Anezka in the control room.

“The control room?”

“It is past the first set of doors of the left. It should be unlocked since Anezka is already up there.”

”Anezka… Isn’t that the girl from before?”

"Yeah, it’s the one that’s gonna smother him with a plastic bag.”

“Well, don’t just sit there. There is a lot he learn!” Dr. Kaczka shoes me away to the rear of the theater were the exits are.

The control room is right where she says it is, past the first set of doors and on the left. A short stair case lies behind a partially open door marked control room. The stair case is dimly lit and feels like it was built for dwarves. I mean, who was expected to come up here? At the top of the stairs I find a small room with one side packed with filing cabinets and the other a table line with machines cover in dials, switches, and sliders. At the end, the tiny girl Anezka was sitting in a large office chair working on another bag of chips.

”Uhh, hi… again.” Anezka glances at me quickly and continues to eat, otherwise completely ignoring me.
Spotting a stool crammed underneath the table, I pull it out no intending to stand the entire time. Upon seeing the stool’s entirety, I place myself gingerly on the seat weary if it could actually support my weight. A large section of the wall was removed connecting the control room to the rest of the theater. Like a large open window of sorts. The stage looked rather small and the people like dolls form up here. A no food or drink sign is mounted right below the opening to the theater, I look at Anezka.

“Only if you don’t know how.” She says through the potato chips.

“…Right,” Cause people don’t know how to eat. “so… are you going to show me how to work these?”

Anezka chokes down a few more chips “Nof forf tohday,” she swallows heavily, “Not for today, they haven’t decided on
anything yet, will be… hard when you can’t see everything.”

What does she mean? Everything is right here. I see all I need to see!

“She wants the dick.”

Thought she wanted to kill me.

“She wants your dead dick?”

Whatever, you clearly know what you’re talking about.

Anezka finishes the second bag of chips I’ve seen her eat, and it doesn’t look as if she has another. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did have another bag at this point. We sit in silence. The silence slowly grew palpable like the last drops of a pulpy orange as the seconds ticked by. It was suffocating. Letting my eyes wander back over to this tiny girl who eats for a small family, I notice she is holding her breath. Not only that, it feels like she’s trying to disappear or at least trying to get me to ignore her. Why though? I she hiding something? Plotting?

“She’s trying to figure out how to tell you that Fia and her have been lessing it up since the beginning of the year.”

No way Fia’s not a lesbian!

“How do you know?


“Because what? It’s impossible?”

She wou—

“Isn’t it obvious? She’s using you for cover.”

Fia isn’t that kind of person!

“She isn’t? Let’s confirm this then. Go ahead, ask.”

I’m not going to ask her.

“Why? Are you afraid of the truth?”

“So…Anezka…How long have you known Fia?” Anezka twitches at my question.

“I had a few classes with her last year, now she stays down the hall from me.” She replies almost completely disinterested in talking.

“Who would have thought the midget is the same age as you. Anyway to more relevant issues. See, I told you!”

This doesn’t prove anything.

“Why?” I was taken aback.

“What do you mean why?”

“Why anezka repeated, “Why do you want to know how long I’ve known Fia?”

“Oh, you know, just small talk.” My heart races as the thought of my true intensions being discovered run rampant.

“Uh-huh… you like her don’t you?”

“What? No!” Anezka’s eyes narrowed piercing through my denial.

Tearing away from Anezka I peer back down at the stage. I can feel her still boring holes into the side of my head. The other students had gathered at the center of the stage and a dull murmur emanates from the mass of bodies. Fia came forward and started saying something I could entirely make out.

“Well, it’s settled then.” Dr.Kaczka’s voice slit through the theater. I find it creepy the even though she’s down there it still sounds like she is sitting right next to me. “You all can leave now.”

The lump of students dispersed, some going behind the curtains and others started up the aisles. Anezka pulled a messenger bag from underneath the table.

“Oh! And remember to get all of your forms completed and get them to me as quickly as possible.
My first post of the new year (rocket whizzing)! Jeez, another part? I remember when I started these sections in May, and for how long it has taken I don't really like how this one turned out. It just feels...rushed (even though it took six months to write -_-), especially the second half. I'll need to work on my pacing in the story and real life in the future. Before I know it Missing stars will be out before I finish this thing. Anyways, your thought, concerns, and criticism are welcome.
my only real contribution to this forum,Comedies&Tragedies, you should read it sometime(maybe).
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Al Capwned
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