IRL Mental Disorders/Problems That YOU Have

[khaos4ng31]

So, I'm searching throughout this forum and I (hopefully) did not see a thread made JUST for the forum users with any mental disorders.

So I am now proposing an open thread to where forum users can openly discuss their problems or any disorders that they might have. I'm sorry for repeating the word "disorder", but it seems to me that using euphemisms seems to create a counter-effect. (Unless there are other effective ways of talking about this, in which case please tell me).

Now, I understand that some of you might not have any disorders, but we all have days where we feel down or undergo a deep thought or change. You can discuss and talk about them here if you would like.

I do however feel that though this may be an open discussion, there has to be some limits (or guidelines) on HOW open this should be, but I think that we are all mature enough to understand and sympathize with each other. In other words, please don't troll, and please do not flame. Some of us are very sensitive, even though this is the Internet. Humor is allowed, but please keep in mind the affected parties.

Note that some of us are on medications, and that you SHOULD NOT advise anybody to stop their doses. I had a friend who stopped too early on his anti-depressants, and the lack of the right amount chemicals put him in the hospital after a suicide attempt where he eventually died.

Speaking of suicide, please do not advise someone to commit suicide or post instructions on how to go about this on this thread. Discussion of methods (if allowed) can be discussed somewhere else on the forum. Such discussion will not be tolerated.

Final note (and yes, FINAL):
Keep in mind that this is a thread to help others GAIN INSIGHT and to HELP EACH OTHER in general. I don't want to be a stickler, and I want to keep the thread as open as possible so that we may see things in a different light. Also, keep in mind that most of us are not psychologists or therapists or psychiatrists, unless you actually are one.

P.S. If there is a thread like mine already, the mods are free to remove this. You're also free to edit this if you like, but please try to keep the bulk of it, or maybe my main points. Also, there is a wall of text after this. You don't have to read it, skimming it is fine. I tend to type a lot.


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I'll start I guess. My therapists and psychiatrists say that I have schizoaffective disorder. I'm not entirely sure what it is EXACTLY but I have some of the kinks down.

I was born in '90 and as far as I can recall I began to act strangely around my last year of middle school (8th grade I think). I always felt isolated and far away from people, although my friends were close by. I had a few relationships, but only one of them felt real to me, and that was the first one. She actually left without a word thinking that it would be easier for both of us, but it had the opposite effect. She moved to a faraway state. I thought I felt fine, so I just carried on with life, dating other girls along the way, but the feeling was never there so I broke it off with them. The hole left behind the first girl never healed. During this time I also noticed that I would get auditory hallucinations that would scare the pants off of me since I would turn around and nothing was there. I always heard a sound similar to muffled speech. My closest description would be like they were someone who called my name, but it was so muffled and I could barely hear it. Actually it wasn't muffled, it sounded blurred like how movies have some dream scenes where everything sounds dreamy. Hard to describe actually. It always came out like a woooOOOOHHH sound. I noticed that right before sleeping it was more common.
Over time, I came along 4chan (the earliest I came along was before it had Captchas and such) and browsed mainly /a/ and /b/. I started to turn to anime to try and fill the gap left by my first love. I kept telling myself that this hole I felt was due to my hormones and that I was too young for this. As I got older, I began to have a Facebook account and soon added her. Turns out, she moved on fairly quickly. My young self was shattered. To think that I had believed in something that turned out to be fake. Well, little did I know, it wasn't fake. I genuinely loved her (from her blue eyes, her soft voice, her compassion for all things cute and anime), but I thought it best to let her live her own life (she's probably the cause of me liking anime, without her, I never would have been hooked to it).

Skip to the now, where I started to isolate myself for the sake of others and started to go to therapy because I was advised by one of my closest friends as I started to see how she suffered from being around me too long. Honest to god, I love her because she's always been there for me when I was sad. I knew she had an affection for me in the past (don't know if its still their at the same level or if its pity now), and it pains me to see her not be able to be with me. I can feel her slipping away at times. I feel like a burden to her. I'm kind of hard to be around for long periods of time (like a month). I tend to lose my temper fairly fast, but this is probably due to a frustration with myself and it is manageable.

I have more friends now (still not a lot, it's maybe around 20 people, probably less that consider ME as a friend to them), and I go to work normally now. I still have crazy mood swings that last for weeks a swing (if that makes sense). I took therapy for a while, and have been taking small doses of anti-psychotics for a long time. I am CONSIDERABLY better than I was before. I am thankful, otherwise college would have been a crappier experience for me (I mean it still is. I'm still stuck in my dorm sometimes due to my social fear of... well social stuff).


Sorry for typing so much. A lot has happened to me and I did a lot to try and overcome it. One of it was writing stories. I'm currently writing a story in which I have writer's block, so if you guys want to see it, I'll gladly post it.

[Worthington]

Probably mentioned elsewhere, but I have paranoid schizophrenia and OCD. Not going to talk too much about it, since I'm really shit with that sort of thing.

[Hamadyne]

Well, I might as well give this a shot.

High-Functioning Autism isn't as clear cut as books and movies make it out to be. It can be a mishmash of varying social awkwardnesses, from not knowing how to hold a conversation to being completely obnoxious in one, or both. You can be granted with a better than average intelligence, but express it in completely alien ways.

For me, my life has been a roller coaster of ups and downs thanks to AS. Having learned to read at age 2 and having a 4th grade vocabulary at age 6, my parents knew I would be a gifted child. Well, they were sort of right. While I was indeed gifted, I was brought down by my general inability to properly behave in school, as well as my lack of any friends. My elementary and middle school years were not the best, looking back at things. Despite all of that, I've turned our pretty well. Therapy and support were probably my two biggest pillars in keeping me standing tall.

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A quick rundown of my various quirks:

Negatives:
-Shut down when exposed to loud noises (sudden or prolonged)
-Unable to look at people's eyes directly
-Unable to handle hot objects
-Refuse to eat cereal with milk (texture irregularity - food textures or flavors do not match well in my mouth)
-Refuse to eat pancakes with syrup (texture irregularity)
-Risk of overstimulation in large social environments (parties, urban areas, new locations)
-Gets frustrated over small issues, perfectionist in nature
-Tends to take things (figures of speech, idioms, sarcasm) said literally.
-Prone to self-isolation

Positives:
-Reading rate clocked at about 1000 WPM, 85% comprehension
-Near photographic memory
-Impeccable knowledge of trivia
-Able to refine skills as much as I want. Applies to several of my Negatives.


[Waytfm]

@Hamadyne: I myself have never been diagnosed with any sort of mental illness, so I can't say a lot. I did find your aversion to different textures in foods interesting. I act the same way most of the time. I guess the example that comes to mind first is that I refuse to eat a hamburger or any sort of sandwich with lettuce on it. I also typically have to finish one type of food before I move on to something else. Everybody who notices just thinks its weird, so it's interesting to see someone else with that same quirk. I can't speak for anything else though.

[MDV]

I wonder what your policy on telling people IRL about your disabilty is. Do you tell everyone right away? Do you try to keep it a secret? Do you tell others only when asked about it?

[Dorigard]

When I was young I was diagnosed with ADD (or ADHD-PI as it's known now). Wow, I've been typing up different ways to begin this explication for half an hour now, and I just can't decide how to start this, so I guess I'll just go with coded bullet points:

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-My parents chose to take this information and get me to realize while I was normal, I wasn't the same as other kids.
-I was especially hyperactive and selfish in an exploratory way (If I wanted a toy, I would have it) as a young child.
-Despite instance for medication from doctors, I went untreated until late in Middles School and though Early High School. I never really believed that the medication could do me any good, so I think through a Mind-over-Matter sort of way it never really did.
-It wasn't until High School that I started picking up any coping mechanisms for living with ADHD. Until this point I was usually told I could use my ADHD as an excuse for how I behaved, or told I could use it to get out of particularly boring or offensive moments through school.

I've always been awful at simply talking about myself, even writing this I've having quite a bit of difficulty, I've always been better at answering specifics about myself, so this is as much as I can think to write despite that I have more to say.

I wonder what your policy on telling people IRL about your disabilty is. Do you tell everyone right away? Do you try to keep it a secret? Do you tell others only when asked about it?

I usually avoid telling most people about my ADHD, I've always felt that because it seems such a prevalent diagnosis nowadays, that people don't believe it means all that much. Also, I always like people to know me as just a regular person like them, not to have the idea that there is anything specifically abnormal about me.

But at the same time, because I've lived so long with the idea that my ADHD does make me different, I sometimes abruptly tell relative strangers or very intimate friends about it. It seems that while I typically dislike telling people, I have almost no discretion when it comes to telling people. Some time I tell people as a casual drop in for a story of my past experiences, sometimes I still use it as an excuse for my actions.

[Hamadyne]

I wonder what your policy on telling people IRL about your disabilty is. Do you tell everyone right away? Do you try to keep it a secret? Do you tell others only when asked about it?

If I 'm comfortable with talking to people, then I usually tell them. It's usually a few weeks after getting to know them. If it's vital that I have to tell them, usually for medical history or for explaining an odd quirk, then I tell others in order to properly explain.
Most people are surprised by that, saying they had no idea I had AS; apparently I'm a lot more higher-functioning than most. This is to the extent that I've actually had to remind people I have AS, especially with some of my snarky friends who use sarcasm in every other sentence.

[Malkav]

Hmmm... sure, I'll bite.

At the time of my evaluation (age 19), I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Severe Depression with Psychotic Episodes, and Primary Group Dissociation. As a quick rundown...

PTSD: Certain things cause me to suddenly zone out or temporarily obsess over a very specific event or aspect of an event in my life, leaving me in a semi-responsive, hazy mental state.

SD-PE: Mostly self-explanatory. In times of extreme duress, I hallucinate or act in a completely bizarre fashion.

PGD: Usually, I feel pretty disconnected from my family, friends, and loved ones. I'm aware only superficially that we are emotionally close; thus, I understand this as if I was an outsider observing this fact, and do not often actually feel these connections to people I'm sure I would otherwise feel very strongly for.

[Gloom]

I have ADHD, which according to some around here counts as a disorder.

I feel so terribly, boringly sane compared to the lot of you now.

[Waytfm]

I have ADHD, which according to some around here counts as a disorder.

I feel so terribly, boringly sane compared to the lot of you now.

I know that feel bro.

[MDV]

I don't want to insult you guys, but those two post strongly remind me of the people in my old school claming to be normal. Those poor folks were lying to themselves even harder than to anyone else. But if you guys never got any treatment or your ADHD never caused you any problems, then perhaps you really are normal :).

[khaos4ng31]

I wonder what your policy on telling people IRL about your disabilty is. Do you tell everyone right away? Do you try to keep it a secret? Do you tell others only when asked about it?

Online, I can spill everything since I can't be targeted and singled out as easily.

IRL, the topic hardly comes up. People just brush me off as annoying or irritable. It's fine with me. Saves me a lot of trouble. I actually had very few people to talk to about this, but nowadays it's just the professional help. So all in all very people know of my personality disorder. It doesn't help that I tend to isolate myself for the sake of others.

And I only tell a person who's really close about it when they ask, which they almost never do and it's easier to keep it a secret. I tend to distrust a lot of people and what with all the stigmas and everything I figured it would be best to keep a low profile.

@Malkav, feeling disconnected is something that we share. I usually behave on the belief of how OTHERS think I should act rather than acting on how I think I should act. Saves me trouble, in my opinion.

@Hamadayne, in the college I go to, there are a couple of high functioning autistic students and I had a conversation with one of them one day. It's interesting.

[Waytfm]

I don't want to insult you guys, but those two post strongly remind me of the people in my old school claming to be normal. Those poor folks were lying to themselves even harder than to anyone else. But if you guys never got any treatment or your ADHD never caused you any problems, then perhaps you really are normal :).

I don't have ADHD. I never been diagnosed with anything actually.

[Malkav]

@Malkav, feeling disconnected is something that we share. I usually behave on the belief of how OTHERS think I should act rather than acting on how I think I should act. Saves me trouble, in my opinion.

Heheheh; that would be very useful. Unfortunately, I'm pretty terrible at figuring that part out ;)

I feel so terribly, boringly sane compared to the lot of you now.

I know that feel bro.

Well, I think it's pretty cool that there are some normal people out there. :P After a while of me running into crazy after crazy after crazy, I'd begun to wonder if the whole world had simply gone mad. The prospect of an entire planet being populated by rational-sentients-gone-insane isn't exactly a very cheery one!

[DutchSanta]

When I was in 5th grade, me and people around me noticed that I was constantly shaking my head. My mom thought I was just mimicking the video games I was playing and tried to ease me off of them, but it didn't stop. Eventually, I went in for some tests and I was found to have a relatively mild case of Tourette's Syndrome. I was made fun of a lot for the rest of the year over it, but I eventually learned to cope with it. The tics have subsided, but sometimes when I get tense, I still feel shades of it come back.

[analane]

Hello, all.
I don't really want to sound like I'm one of those "lol self diagnosed AS, I'm actually just socially awkward" people, but I might as well tell my story, and I'm getting formally tested as soon as possible.

I think I have Asperger's Syndrome for many reasons. You can basically match my past up with Hamadyne's- I learned to read at the age of 2, was doing 2nd grade workbooks in preschool, and ended up actually skipping 2nd grade altogether after the teacher said she didn't know what to do with me. I knew all the material already, so I started acting out, and she couldn't handle me, so I moved up. Now, at the tender age of 14, I'm only a sophomore in high school. This skip screwed my life up so bad for quite a few years.

But I digress. After extensive talking with Hamadyne as well as consulting with my father and perusing numerous symptom lists online, I can safely say that I have at LEAST minor AS. My dad has it as well (I looked it up and apparently it CAN run in the family). We both get VERY specific obsessions that we've pursued for years. For my dad, as an example, it's The Shining. I don't understand sarcasm or irony, and have the worst time trying to decipher nonverbal cues and facial expressions. I can't tell whether someone is angry at me or not, or whether they're upset or perfectly fine. I'm also a huge perfectionist. Part of this stems from me not getting that it takes a while to learn things sometimes, but part of it I just can't explain. If I don't get something the first time, I can't handle it.

I'm hesitant to bring up my social anxiety and how drained I get from being in a social setting, mostly because when I normally bring those up, people skip straight to assuming I'm just looking for an excuse for my social ineptitude, but I'm not. It's been this way for a very long time. I have maybe 4 or 5 very close friends, 3 of which I've made only due to shared interests and not from just approaching them and talking. The other two- well, I can't really explain how I got to know them, but I did.

Lastly, I'm super geared towards stability and ritual, meaning that I HATE change. I worry over stupid things all the time, and I just can't help it. I can't handle the fact that maybe my mom wants to get a job in addition to being a homemaker. I can't handle that my sister no longer wants to go to the school she wanted to for a very long time. Even on the weekends, it's hard for me to deal with those times when I've figured out my plans for the day and my mom will say that we're going out. I just don't work that way.

I really hope that whoever reads this doesn't assume I'm just socially inept and trying to make excuses for it.

[Brasse]

I don't want to insult you guys, but those two post strongly remind me of the people in my old school claming to be normal. Those poor folks were lying to themselves even harder than to anyone else. But if you guys never got any treatment or your ADHD never caused you any problems, then perhaps you really are normal :).

I don't have ADHD. I never been diagnosed with anything actually.

Ditto. Although tests taken online and in psychology class do tend to give results leaning slightly towards Schizoid Personality Disorder. Though, I don't believe that actually suffer from it - the questions are usually asked in such a way that they can be interpreted in a variety of different ways and the reasons for giving a particular answer is not necessarily indicate a disorder. For instance, while it is correct that I do not care much for socializing, it is because it usually involves meaningless small-talk and social gestures which make no sense and which I don't want to be bothered with. However, I do enjoy social situations when something meaningful and concrete is discussed. I can identify with the emotional detachment and insouciance, but those are somewhat of an ideal I've been trying to pursue in the form of the Stoic doctrine of Apatheia. Admittedly, some of it comes quite naturally - I often find myself unmoved by suffering of others, especially if I don't know them, but I suppose that's just a personality quirk.

[Dorigard]

I don't want to insult you guys, but those two post strongly remind me of the people in my old school claming to be normal. Those poor folks were lying to themselves even harder than to anyone else. But if you guys never got any treatment or your ADHD never caused you any problems, then perhaps you really are normal :).

I suppose it all really comes down to if/when it's diagnosed, and if/what anything is done about it.

Personally, I was diagnosed young, and always had the idea of being different with ADHD hung over me, so it became part of who I am, it made me different, and so I had to learn how to make myself as normal as I could be.

On the other end of the spectrum, people who may have ADHD but are never diagnosed, and so nothing is ever done about it, can live perfectly normal, happy lives without ever being aware. They may feel a bit different at times, but it's normal to be different from the guy next to you. Perhaps it can just be written off as being a spontaneous person with poor focus.

[imperial.standard]

On the other end of the spectrum, people who may have ADHD but are never diagnosed, and so nothing is ever done about it, can live perfectly normal, happy lives without ever being aware.

This is because normally ADHD people will develop a coping mechanism to deal with their poor focus. By adulthood normally ADHD person will not be immediately apparently so - but pressure them enough to fail their own coping mechanism - you can then witness their poor focus manifest fully and their problem-solving ability going out of the window. It LOOKED like your kind of standard breakdown, except that it is not.

[Dorigard]

On the other end of the spectrum, people who may have ADHD but are never diagnosed, and so nothing is ever done about it, can live perfectly normal, happy lives without ever being aware.

This is because normally ADHD people will develop a coping mechanism to deal with their poor focus. By adulthood normally ADHD person will not be immediately apparently so - but pressure them enough to fail their own coping mechanism - you can then witness their poor focus manifest fully and their problem-solving ability going out of the window. It LOOKED like your kind of standard breakdown, except that it is not.

Hmm, so would you say it's better to live your whole life with diagnosed ADHD and have that knowledge to develop strong coping mechanisms yet also have that feeling of being different. Or would it be better to never know and live your life relatively normally, except with a chance of complete breakdown of your poorer coping tactics?